AGENT: Thank you for calling! PS: Don't call again!

Round about. That is how I describe yesterday’s trip. Nakakabad trip. Muntik pa akong lagnatin.

Halos dalawang buwan na pala akong walang trabaho. Kung tutuusin, ginugol ko ang apat na taon para sa isang pirasong papel na ‘di ko pa napapakinabangan hanggang ngayon. Isa pa ‘yung hirap para maipasa ang licensure exam ay ‘di ko pa nahahawakan ang resulta. Anak ng pating naman oh!

Buhay pa rin naman ako kahit paano. Hindi ko nga alam o dini-deny na ng utak ko kung paano ako nakaka-survive ng walang trabaho. Literal na palamunin ako ngayon. Isa akong dakilang kasambahay, indirectly though. Masaklap pa, ang alam ng pamilya ko ay may bago na akong trabaho. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Napakahirap ng walang inaasahang pera. Nahihiya na nga ako sa partner ko dahil siya ang bumubuno ng mga gastusin. (Hayaan mo at ako ang bahala sa mga gawaing bahay,love you hehe)

Mabalik  tayo sa usapan. Sa wakas ay natuloy din kahapon ang balak na maghanap ng trabaho. Natural na mag-umpisa yun sa paghuhunting sa Internet. . Dati akala ko pag baguhan ka mahirap maghanap ng trabaho. Sa BPO industry naman, sa tingin ko mahirap ang may experience. Kung anu-ano ang hinahanap sa’yo at makikipagtawaran ka pa sa sasahurin mo. Marami pa sa akanila ay naghahanap ng mga without experience kasi mas makakatipid sila sa entry compensation ng mga ito. Pero eto lang ang alam kong makakasuporta sa amin ngayon.

Ayun nakahanap sa may Mandaluyong, tunog agency ang pangalan pero sinubukan ko na rin. Ang mahirap sa paghahanap ng trabaho ay kung baguhan ka sa lugar. Masama pa pareho kaming ignorante ng kasama ko sa direksyon na binigay ng ahente na nagconfirm ng attendance ko.

Tinanong ko ang mainam na daan kung manggagaling kami ng Sampaloc dahil nga sa apartment kami ‘dun nangungupahan. Sumagot ang agent, na hindi natin itatago dahil ang pangalan niya ay Walter, via SMS at binigay ulit ‘yung direksyon na dati nang naka-post sa SMS niya noong una. Inulit ko ang text ko, iniwasan mag-shortcut at baka sakaling maintindihan niya ang  pagsusumamo ko sa tamang daan papuntang building nila. Desperado na talaga akong magkatrabaho. Parang system-generated ang text , parehong direksyon ang binigay. Amputsa, sana alam nila ang direkson papunta sa kanila. Mga taga kabilang building lang  ba ang expected nilang mag-a-apply sa kanila?

Sinunod na lang namin ang binigay niya. Hindi high-end ang mga CP namin kaya walang google maps. Sakay ng jeep papuntang Cubao, MRT to Shaw Station. Pagkababa namin ng Shaw dun na kami nawala. Sabi sasakay ng jeep papuntang Quiapo. Naks walang jeep na dumadaan at nakikisabay pa buhos ng ulan. Nagtanong kami kay manong guard at sa dulo raw kami ng fly-over mag-abang. Sa wakas humigit kumulang isang oras pa at narating din namin ang Summit One Builidng.

Pasok sa loob. Nakalimutan mag-iwan ng ID sa front desk. Hehe, ‘di yata mahigpit security at nakalusot kami. Sa 39^th floor pa ang eksena. Sakit sa tenga mag-elevator nang ganoon kataas. Si Walter nasa loob na, ino-orient na ‘yung ibang aplikante. Anak ng kulugo, agency nga at iba’t ibang recruiter from different companies daw ang kakatay sa amin.

Unang company, pumasa. Sinungaling na one day process yan. Pinapunta pa ako sa Ortigas site. Baba kami ng building pero di namin alam papunta. Sakay ng taxi at nang malapit nang bumaba ay alam an raw niya ‘yung lugar na binabagtas namin. Sa mga call center talagang mahigpit ang security. Kailangan me identification badge ka bago makapasok. Kuha ako ng test at mock call. Swerteng ipinasa ko naman at ‘di sa pagmamayabang ‘yun daw ang kumpanya na pinakamahigpit sa hiring process.

Sa huli, nang pipirma na ng kontrata, tinopak ako at tinanggihan ko ang opurtunidad na kumita na sana ng salapi. Sabi ko sa recruitment officer nila, “I think the ride from my place to here would be very inconvenient.” Kunwari na lang sa ibang site nila ako pero tumawag man sila ‘di ko sasagutin. Isa pa nagba-background check sila at ‘di ata sila tumatanggap ng may AWOL ang employmet record.

Sa totoo lang tinanggihan ko dahil lang sa ’di ako komportable sa lugar. Ayoko kasi na makulong sa trabahong ‘di ako magiging masaya at sa lugar na pilit kong titiisin at ‘pag ‘di na kinaya ay iiwan ko rin lang. Pumayag naman si partner. Baba kami agad.

Sa paghahanap ng sasakyan pauwi biglang napag-alaman naming ‘yung bus pala ay yung parehong bus na sinasakyan namin papuntang SM Manila. Anak ng tokwa, eh di dapat isang sakay lang pala mula sa tinutuluyan namin.

Ngayon eto balik walang trabaho. Haay, may good idea kami. Babalik kami sa Ortigas, sa katabing kumpanya naman. Job hunting ulit. Hehe.

(Ikaw) Aking KaMUNDOhan

Sabihan man ang puso’y imbot..

Makasarili’t ubod ng damot…

Ito’y dahil sa natatangi lamang laan

Bawat  pagkislot at pagtibok.

Sa iyo lamang ang diwa nakakikipaglingkisan,

Sa’n man pulo't gata'y umabot…

nating mga kawal ni Adan.

Gabi’y muling lalalim at ang lahat ay lilimot,

Hindi ako, dahil ako'y hinubdan...

Aking lakan ‘wag sanang hayaang ang batis

ng malapot na likido’y matigang.

Diligin mo ang pusong umaamot,

Nang bumulwak ang bukal,

Sisipsipin ng puso kong sa’yo lamang.

Barbaric Boxing

Though not  a true blue sports fanatic, I am acquainted good  enough to enjoy  sports. During college days, I used to compete in campus journalism press conferences as a sports writer, thus, the blithe knowledge of the playing fields. I have had fun reading or watching sports news not until yesterday.

The riot in Argentina spawned by the victory of Filipino boxer Johnriel Casimero left a bitter aftertaste welling from my throat. To say that it was an unfortunate incident is an understatement. It is very barbaric, a quick reference of Argentineans' lack of discipline and a display of their stupid “power tripping.” This is a solid irony to the spirit of sportsmanship.

CASIMERO VS ARGENTINEANS: Pinoy Pride Assault

My blood is at its boiling point. These people are so immature not to accept a defeat. They are shameless fanatics who misrepresent the boxer they are rooting for. Were you hard headed pea-brained fans stupid enough to assault our Filipino pride and dignity when the gloves you are behind just humbly receded at his lost?

This is alarming. Not for the purpose of braggadocio, I am proud that the Filipino race has produced some of the finest boxers ever lived. If this is envy then I pity you!!!

Boxing is a one on one fight if you haven’t realized. WTF! So you thought you could win by numbers? You could throw monoblock chairs, we know that. Come to the Philippines and we will throw Narra tables at you. But don’t worry because we Filipinos are humble enough not to fight cave men as you are. We will not step down to your level.

This unprecedented mishap could have ended the boxer’s career if struck by a fatal blow. The apologies made will not even up to the shame, to the moment lost which could have been spent to celebrate success and most of all for trampling at the Philippine flag. These people should be penalized. I so wonder why the Argentinean police or the coordinators of the event did not have enough power to control the mob. Shameful!

Kung sabagay, punong may bunga lang naman ang binabato. Sana naintindihan nyo!

Unsealing the Zeal

Staring at the bottom face of the upper bed of this double-decked bed, I couldn’t evade perception of superfluous random thoughts. My head feels heavy and throbs with the feeling like the after effects of an extreme roller coaster ride. I feel sick.

Recollections of events that put me to this very spot are somewhat surreal. More than a year has been exhausted since I left my hometown in search of greener pastures and adventure that had me bordering humdrum. I really didn’t know what happened. Things rolled out so swiftly. All the plenty time seemed to me like a day or so.

These are just what bugs me at the moment. I felt drained of zeal. I rise every day, do regular stuff but before going to bed an awareness that something is missing within me as if I am craving for something buoys.

In retrospection I see myself as this vibrant youth, full of energy and ambition. I saw this daredevil. Fear seemed to be frightened at me. I was before, this childish lad brimming with confidence. I embraced every endeavour I jumped at without doubting.

I was successful as a student. I make sure that all ends meet regardless of the rough times I have to brace. I do my stuff, brought some laurels home and be who I am. However, that friend, this other side of me, seemed to hide for some time.

Today it dawned on me that reality strikes hard. Skipping through the events, I just had a burn out. Pressure cracked my walls and penetrated me. I am psyched at the thought of the future.

Before the end of 2011 I decided to go AWOL from my previous job. I always worked out an excuse for it. If someone asks what happened I tell them that the employee and employer relationship got severed because of some personal matters I have to deal with. I also kept it a secret from my partner (I am sorry my dear!) but the real score is, I ran out of fuel.

At the beginning I was like a formula one racer. Focused at the goal I stepped at the gas pedal so eagerly. I was at full speed. I enjoyed the jolting rush it brought through my system. I was independent, away from my family and closer to my beloved. I forgot to control my reigns to last for the entire race.

Fear is bit by bit consuming me. I am afraid of the life that I might give him. I am jobless and I felt useless. I lie everyday staring at the tube. Time is rolling out a tenfold but are put to waste or was it?

Reading through all this I just wanted to hit the delete button for one important reason. It dawned on me that not a tick was put to waste. I have spent every second of more than a year and four months of my life with my beloved and there are no regrets.

I do not have the right to be all sulky. I am very lucky to have my Hubs beside me. One thing I forgot is to live the present. I was so hooked to the future that I may be in a haywire. Many times did he caught me staring at nowhere for I worry too much. Now I realized that what brings me to this point is the love I am holding on to and I ought to live every bit of it happily. I am not a tinge sad but better.

The very arms that embraces me before I close my eyes at night are owned by someone who has a love so huge that it erases every  bit of doubt . With all these I am ready to face the future. Every night  I will be at peace and with high hopes I could picture him with the key to open the doors at a place where my zealous friend awaits our reunion.

Good thing is, I just received a message from my future company. All for the best. I love you and borrowing Edward Cullen’s words, let’s start with forever!

20 Seconds and More

“All you need is twenty  seconds of insane courage  and I promise you, something great will come of it." – Matt Damon(as Benjamin Mee), We Bought a Zoo

This phrase raced gazillion times inside my head right after watching that movie. It makes me wonder how 20 seconds could change someone's life in a spur of a moment. This littlest fraction of time which, in its real essence, could actually distort one's entire stock of seconds he has left to exhaust in history.

A commonplace in the human dilemma is the journey one would have to go through on an entire day. The very moment  we wake up comes a parade of thoughts of “what’s next?” pulsating heavily in that small meat enclosed in our hard cranium. It is unfathomable how complex the processes should go that even making your usual coffee everyday is very critical to come up to that distinct taste your taste buds have the craving for.

Most of our time is dedicated to an end, whatever that end means to one. Man’s ultimate goal, as it has always been underscored, is happiness. We live our lives for the purpose of achieving that satisfaction and indescribable joy.

We spend our days going to school, earning money, buying things, gaining friends and fighting foes yet before we go to sleep we then tap at ourselves and feel gloomy. Staring at the ceiling (some stare at the sky), we realize that this isn’t enough. The very next day we find ourselves studying more hours, working harder, gaining more friends and evading new foes. We could picture or life-lessons-logbook getting bulkier. At the very end of the day, like a tiger unsuccessful of catching its prey, contentment isn‘t filled to the brim. This process of soul searching is very wearing that most of us get lost in the way, with that 20 seconds of thought, some just decide to put an end to it.

A small amount of time as it may seem, 20 seconds of searching is tiresome. This makes or breaks. It is funny how this span of time could be used at extreme moments. The news of winning the lottery could elevate one’s happy hormones at their max but the instant before a car crash is on a different palette. On a personal note, every 20 second and this whole soul searching boils down to how we react to eventful circumstances and handle these very moments in our existence. It all depends on one’s outlook in life. It’s like seeing a glass of water. It’s up to you if you see it half empty or half filled.

During childhood days in our Values Education class, we were thought to see life as a race. As a matter of fact, the imagery instilled to us then was to a point of owning horses to ride on. How we care for it spells if it would reach the finish. It seemed foolish seeing life like this, the whole race seemed to be a struggle to bear and can only be changed 20 seconds before the goal is met.

Now that I’ve grown I have had my own share of 20 seconds encrypted in my memories. This bits of moments allowed me to see life more of a jig-saw puzzle than a race. It is not only the whole picture that I am rooting for. I realized that the ultimate goal, happiness that is, could be found every time a piece of the puzzle falls into the right place and some of these we might meet at some 20 seconds of our existence.

I am proud that I learned to enjoy living the moment. The very 20 seconds that my partner kisses me and says goodnight is always a piece that never fails to fit in the puzzle. I also learned to treasure and pay so much attention to the more positive 20 seconds of my life.

After all, this is a zoo. We never know when we could be preyed on in 20 seconds.