Numbers and Paper Cut

No more crying over spilled milk! I apologize if this was posted late. I needed time to wield my confidence back so I entered senti-mode. Albeit everything that has happened I still have reasons to smile.

I am now back in the most comfortable profession one could ever dream of, that is, being (again) unemployed. Hardworking as I might have been, it did not pay off at all. Like the old cliché, I did my best but my best wasn’t good enough. Or was it?

All I thought was that I am doing good because of the false hopes of the scorecards our TAs have been blasting. I succumbed to the idea that I was in good faith. Complacency had me defeated.

The time that I was asked to sign for my termination, thoughts were all over me. I was a natural ‘geek and meek’ that I couldn’t even utter a word when TL Mayu was dropping the news that the company is left with no choice but to lay me off and three more other colleagues. The numbers that I saw in the papers that I signed is a plausible evidence of failure to that effect.

Although I did work my ass off, I did regret one important thing that my previous BPO company has thought me. I was all the time working hard but it was stupid of me not to work smart. While I wouldn’t be able to negate the effects of the failing scorecard I should have tried to do something prior. I knew that there was something wrong but I opted to be a dimwit. I could have asked. I could have clarified stuff.

I could blame the TAs that it is their job to set correct expectations and provide us coaching sessions anchored on the true scorecard. I would say it’s quite a shock how ambiguous a score of 4.00 would suddenly go down to 2.56. One would not easily buy that yet the cards were all laid down. Staring at me. Mocking! It's my fault all along.

TL Joje and some colleagues showed empathy by saying that something was wrong. I was advised to tell HR my point on the matter. I agreed to inform them at the exit interview but saying so could no longer twist the upshots in my favor. I could talk trash about them. They  may be reprimanded but they would remain employed. As for me, I could suck it all up and move on.

I am a victim of my own idiocy. The thing is, I loathe confrontations. I would rather stay silent. To my blithe understanding, people should be righteous or even kind enough to do their jobs as they are expected. Well, all is done. No more crying over spilled milk (repeat repeat?).

The sad part is having to leave a bunch of people whom you are comfortable to work with and whom you considered as family. 

At the end of the day, I am the loser.

Surprisingly, I never thought that the paper I signed could cut me in half.